When Was the Last Time You Made a Mistake?
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For me, it was last week.
I didn’t have an appointment listed in my calendar and I missed a meeting with a relatively new client. As soon as I realized my mistake, I reached out to my client, apologized, made things right by adding an extra session to our engagement, and rescheduled the appointment. On my client’s end, my error was not exactly welcome, but it was forgivable. On my end, it was very upsetting.
For a couple of hours, I allowed myself to feel ashamed, occasionally indulging the fear that I may have just irreparably damaged a relationship with a client — and even permitting an escalation to “and we won’t fix this and I will never be able to work with that company ever again”.
When we make mistakes, it’s easy to give in to embarrassment and regret.
But what did my time spent wallowing in self-recrimination achieve? Aside from making me feel bad, not much. I had already apologized and addressed the issue with my client and we established a clear scheduling process to avoid any mix-ups in the future. The emotional worrying contributed nothing to the outcome.
What I really needed to do was get on with my work day. And in order to do that, I needed to find a little self-compassion and forgive myself. So here is what I told myself:
Sometimes I’m going to make mistakes. It’s not a pattern, I don’t do it often, and “sloppy” is not part of my professional identity. So I’m going to cut myself a break here.
If I don’t move on from this, I’ll be bringing my insecurity and awkward energy to my interactions and that isn’t something I want. My clients deserve me at my best.
It feels indulgent to forgive myself without at least a little self-reproach — thanks, Calvinistic work ethic! So I will give myself 15 minutes to feel bad, after which I will move on. (Which is what I did.)
When we give into our insecurities and wallow in regret, we serve no one. And while it feels indulgent to forgive oneself, the real indulgence is holding on to self-criticism.
As a leader, you need to be at your best — for yourself, your team and your organization. The next time you find yourself unable to move on quickly from a mistake, do everyone a favor and remember that self-compassion isn’t a luxury, it’s a leadership requirement.
© Jennine Heller and J Heller Coaching. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Jennine Heller and J Heller Coaching with appropriate and specific direction to the original content. • Photo by Sarah Kilian on Unsplash
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