Are You Holding Yourself To An All-Or-Nothing Standard?
/This article was originally published on Forbes.com.
Terrence has been wanting to move from a director to a vice president role for a couple of years now. But he has been hesitant to apply for more senior roles because he's not sure if he's qualified. When we looked at the job requirements for VP positions within his company (and several other businesses in his industry), it appeared that he was already performing many of the duties required at the higher level. And he acknowledged that when he compared himself to the VPs in his company, he felt that he was doing work at a similar level. But there were a couple of hard skills where he fell short. And he didn't want to put himself out there unless he could get those skills under his belt. He couldn't begin to even consider himself a VP until he checked those items off the list.
Gabriella is looking to make a lateral move, from one VP position to another at a different company. Despite her senior title and the fact that she has more than 10 years of experience at an executive level, her resume and LinkedIn profile downplayed her seniority. When pressed on this, she said that she didn't think of herself as a "real" executive. Why? Because she was uncomfortable speaking in front of large groups of people and, according to her, "All leaders are able to stand up in front of a room and motivate their organizations." So despite her track record of success and the respect and accolades she had received, she could not define herself as a senior leader because she didn't measure up in this one area.
Both Terrence and Gabriella were holding themselves to an all-or-nothing standard. And in neither case was this approach serving them well. For Terrence, his uncompromising attitude was keeping him from advancing in his career. Despite all the evidence that he could move up, he held himself back for years longer than was necessary. For Gabriella, the effect presented itself in how she showed up with others: the occasional self-deprecating remark, not always having the gravitas to instill confidence in her team and greatly underselling herself when it was time to put her best foot forward.
Impostor syndrome manifests in a variety of ways. And a particularly insidious form is when it tells us that we can't inhabit a certain role because anything less than 100% is not enough. When we hold ourselves to unreasonable standards, we hold ourselves back. The reality is that we all have areas that we need to grow and improve in, and we always will. If we wait for perfection, we'll be waiting a long time — and in reality, we learn more (and more quickly) when we are challenged. While staying in your lane may feel safer, you're slowing your growth and keeping yourself from truly excelling.
If you find yourself giving in to impostor syndrome, here are a few things to try:
Welcome yourself to the club. Research shows that roughly 70% of people will have impostor syndrome at some point in their life. That's a pretty sizable majority. And it includes well-known authors, actors and business people. So if you feel like you don't always measure up, take comfort in the fact that you're not alone.
Stop comparing yourself to others. No one has it together the way you think they do. Even people who appear confident and strong have inner struggles and dialogues that you know nothing about. I've seen two colleagues on the same team try to emulate each other, thinking the other one represented the epitome of professional excellence. Oscar Wilde supposedly said, "Be yourself; everyone else is already taken." It's not bad advice.
Own your successes. Take a minute to think about what you have achieved. Compile a list of what you're most proud of and keep the list in an easily accessible place. Refer to it regularly and add to it over time. This helps you focus on the positive and separate fact from fiction.
Change the message. There's a tape loop in your head saying, "I'm not as good as I need to be." When you hear this message playing, try thinking, "I've done a lot, I'll continue to learn and I'm excited to keep moving forward." Pay attention to when the old message starts playing and replace it with the new one. The sooner you lose the perfectionism, the sooner you can progress.
So, where are you letting your impostor syndrome call the shots? Where are you holding yourself to unreasonable standards? If you could put the perfectionism aside, what would you reach for?
© Jennine Heller and J Heller Coaching. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Jennine Heller and J Heller Coaching with appropriate and specific direction to the original content. • Image by Alexas_Fotos from Pixabay
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