5 Steps to Take Before a Difficult Conversation
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A version of this article was originally published on WomenOnBusiness.
Difficult conversations — those interactions that keep us up at night— are a common challenge for many leaders. Most of us would love to learn how to approach tough interactions without getting stressed out, losing sleep, or endlessly rehearsing what-ifs.
Fortunately, this is achievable for almost anyone. And the place to start is with your preparation. Here are five steps you should take before engaging in any sensitive discussion.
1. Establish Your Purpose and Outcome
Begin by defining the business purpose and desired outcome for the meeting. Why are you having the discussion and what would you like to have happen? An example purpose (or “why”) could be to discuss the cancellation of a project and how that impacts an employee and their work. The outcome (or “what”) could be to make sure the person is clear on the changes, and to get their input on possible scenarios moving forward. Then gather all the data you need to present clear, detailed information on the topic.
2. Reframe It
Next, reframe the situation in a positive light.
For example, if you’re delivering bad news to your team, think of it as a chance to provide much-needed calm and guidance, and reinforce your identity as a leader. If you’re providing feedback to a poor performer, approach the meeting as an opportunity to support your employee in a meaningful way and strengthen your management skills.
It might be hard to see the positives at first, but make a practice of finding and focusing on the constructive value of the discussion before having the meeting.
3. Don’t Try to Predict the Future
Next, don’t try to predict the future. When dealing with an unknown, many people tend to visualize the worst possible outcome. But there’s always the possibility that the person you’re dealing with will react differently than you fear.
Have you ever stayed awake at night rehearsing what you’re going to say, only to have the conversation take an entirely different direction? You really don’t know what will happen. Spinning your wheels worrying about every possible “what-if” just elevates your stress and accomplishes very little.
4. Keep Things In Perspective
Likewise, it’s important to keep things in perspective. When you’re dreading an interaction, it often feels like the stakes are incredibly high. In reality, if a conversation goes wrong, it may be unpleasant or have a result you’re not happy with. But most likely your friends and family will not stop loving you, and your world will not come to an end.
When you’re in a state of anticipatory stress you can lose sight of the bigger picture. It doesn’t hurt to remind yourself to maintain perspective and leave the worst-case scenarios behind.
5. Breathe!
And finally, remember to breathe! When you breathe deeply, you’re communicating a message to your brain to calm down and relax. Then your brain helpfully tells your body to slow your heart rate, lower your blood pressure, and reduce your cortisol (stress hormone) levels.
By taking a few deep breaths, you can bring yourself back to a state of physical and mental calm.
Summary
Before you engage in any sensitive discussion, take time to prepare. By gathering your thoughts, structuring your approach and getting into the right frame of mind, you will pave the way for a smooth, productive conversation.
© Jennine Heller and J Heller Coaching. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Jennine Heller and J Heller Coaching with appropriate and specific direction to the original content. • Photo by Yan Krukov from Pexels
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