Kill Your Kryptonite

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deliberate leadership

Mastering our emotions is a critical leadership attribute. One of the components of emotional intelligence is “self-regulation”: the ability to intercept our emotions and choose how to act rather than respond impulsively. If you search for the term “deliberate leadership” you’ll get almost 75 million results — books, articles, and tools on the benefits of acting with intention.


We all have “kryptonite” situations that stir up our insecurities, anxieties or resentments and cause us to react automatically. And it’s hard to perform brilliantly when we’re at the mercy of our emotions.

Here is a 3-step process I use frequently with my clients that will help you block your automatic responses and neutralize your kryptonite.

 
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STEP 1: Notice

Are you aware of when you are being triggered? Being in an emotional situation almost always manifests itself physically — your gut clenches up or your heart beats fast or your face gets hots. You might also find a voice playing in your head, such as your inner critic telling you that you could fail.

Here’s how to raise your awareness of when your emotions are being activated and by what:

  • Write down every time your emotions are sparked — whether you notice it right away or later on

  • Note your reaction: How did your body feel? What were the voices in your head saying?

  • Note the circumstances: What activity were you engaged in, who was involved, what part of the day was it, what was your stress level going into the situation

  • Identify the patterns

You’ll start to notice more quickly when your emotions are rising and you’ll know what to look out for.

STEP 2: Intercept

Once you notice that you’re in a potentially reactionary state, it’s time to intercept the marble that’s about to drop down the chute. One of the best ways to do this is to come up with a phrase, image or action that acknowledges the emotion but doesn’t allow it to call the shots. Some ideas:

  • Tell yourself, “Oh, there you are again, Emotion. But you’re not the boss of me and you’re not helping. So go away while I get my work done.”

  • Picture taking the emotion, placing it in a box, and throwing it out the window.

  • Flick your wrist with your finger to “flick” the emotion away.

They key is to recognize the feeling but not let it rule you. Try finding a method for intercepting that works for you. Be creative! (And I’d love to hear what you come up with!)

STEP 3: Redirect

With your emotions at bay, you get to choose how you react. What is the business goal and outcome you want out of the situation? What are you trying to achieve and what are the best actions and behaviors your could employ to get there? By focusing on the business aspects of the situation you will be able to determine the most appropriate and effective way of proceeding. The professional in you gets to decide, not the emotions.

The more you practice these steps, the easier it will be to quickly notice and override your kryptonite-programmed reaction and choose how you want to act.

© Jennine Heller and J Heller Coaching. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Jennine Heller and J Heller Coaching with appropriate and specific direction to the original content. • Photo by Thomas Griesbeck on Unsplash

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